There is a chapter in ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’ by Richard Carlson, entitled “If someone throws a ball you don’t have to catch it”. Now, although my big brothers definitely didn’t bring me up that way (I had to catch any dishcloths, balls or hedgehogs that were thrown my way; no, not hedgehogs really), this is a great lesson for all of us.
How many times have you found yourself listening to a friend’s story about how terrible their life is, and then joined in to try and fix it?
How many times a day does someone throw you an issue and you automatically assume it’s your job to sort it?
We often get caught up in other people’s struggles
My own belief is that LISTENING is the most important tool we have when other people have struggles; when we listen to people it allows them to hear themselves, perhaps to reflect, and then take responsibility for their own issues. And the listening, too, must have boundaries. We probably all know people who will have you listening forever, and possibly to the same complaints over and over. At some point we need to stop listening and encourage them to take action of some kind.
So, here’s my invitation to practise not catching the ball.
Maybe you’ll listen or maybe you won’t but you won’t try and fix someone else’s problem.
If you have a family and you have a habit of dealing with everything that happens from “where are my socks?” to “I’ve had an argument with my friend”……..
If you are known amongst your friends for being always ready with a helping hand but you have begun to feel resentful about that…..
If your partner/friend/sister comes home with the same complaint about their boss on a daily basis……
Just consider, just practice, just play with the idea of letting that ball bounce off into a corner somewhere just sometimes
Not everything is your responsibility
Note: if the above ideas challenge you just a little, you may want to reflect on what you are ‘gaining’ from being/feeling like a fixer.
And is it more than you would gain in energy from letting others take responsibility for themselves?