It’s easy to pay attention to what we don’t want, isn’t it?
Remember that our brains are so good at neuroplasticity that wherever our thoughts go we will create pathways – and the more we stay on those particular “what if” pathways the better we’ll get at them and the more they will turn from pathways to highways. The more we do this the more we will want to do this; fear will get easier.
In some ways we are designed to look out for potential dangers, and that is what our brain is doing for us.
“I have to make sure I don’t get Covid again”
” I really hope so-and-so doesn’t come for Christmas”
“I don’t know what I’ll do if this symptom gets worse”
“What if nobody comes to my party?”
Well, what about calling a halt right now to allowing our thoughts to head in that direction?
And instead of looking out for all the potential dangers we look at potential opportunities?
What if we start using “what if” in a new way?
What if we create the scenarios in our head that look more like what we hope for than what we fear?
“If I get Covid again I’m going to make sure I look after myself really well and stay fully calm. I’ll use my tools and get the help I need from people who know how to help me”
“If so-and-so comes for Christmas I’d like to remain calm at all times while she kicks off about what a bad parent I am, to take time out whenever I can, and be as compassionate towards her as I can manae, knowing she’s a not-very-happy person”
“What is it I need to do if this symptom gets worse? Who can help me with this? How do I want my body to feel?”
“How will I make my party extra welcoming for the people I know? How many people would I like to be here? How can I make sure I have at least 4 people I like?”
This way we move from “What do I fear?” to “What do I want?” and “how can I make it happen?”. Our positive neural pathways start to strengthen and become more powerful. We can remain calm and logical about potential dangers but make the potential benefits much more likely to happen while we enjoy our life significantly more.